Of truth and lies, and the

We all do agree that the truth is essential. But what we actually need is just truth in the end. After we get a hold of the whole scope of a problem. I'm saying this because, people lie a lot, to reach the final truth.

From the hadith above, I do believe we must tell the truth. Even though, if it will really hurt, either we ourselves or the person listening to the truth we tell them. But.... Is it wrong for me to think that the truth itself is not meant to be instantaneously? I mean, one day, I will tell the truth about it, just not now, because I am scared it would hurt us so much, and I'm not prepared for it. I still believe my heart is weak, and my spirit wavers too much when I'm tested with anger and jealousy. So for now, I'll be honest as much as possible.

Ya, tetap ada perasaan kasih yang amat kuat di lubuk hati ini untuknya.
Tidak, tak pernah sekali pun aku ragu tentang perasaan ini.
Ya, cemburu yang meluru sering menerpa, oleh itu aku memilih untuk hanya mengetahui yang aku perlu.
Ya, memang aku bukan yang terbaik, namun aku sedang berusaha sesungguhnya.
Tidak, tak ada niat tersirat dalam perlakuan aku, hanya aku inginkan ketenangan yang sebenar, dan aku ingin persiapkan diriku untuk menjadi seorang yang jauh lebih baik dari sekarang.
Ya, setiap hari, aku akan mengingatimu, berharap engkau juga berusaha mencapai masa depan yang bahagia.

Aku berharap sangat-sangat semoga, kita menemui pengakhiran yang bahagia.

In our life, especially in our teenage phase, most of us will succumb to the dark side. Yes, it is fun there, no limitations, no obligations, you are at your own free will. Do anything. Without any cause. No one will care. You are living a life filled with things that you used to only watch on television. Not long in the dark side, and you shall be tied to it. Your life is entangled to it. Every single day you will crave for more, and more, and more. You will push your limits. You are lucky if you did not reach the point of no return, you are blessed by God if there is someone trying their very best to pull you out of it, and you are an ignorant, selfish bastard if you did not even tried to help your friends out of the darkness of life.

The guilt will pile up, until one day, you will sit in your room, your heart feels empty, your mind confused and twisted, and you start to realize, just a teeny tiny bit of awareness, that what you are doing is wrong. This is the turning point, this is where you make a choice, to live in that state for sometime, or try to struggle yourself out of it and go back to the righteous path. It will not be easy. You will hesitate. You yourself will be at war inside. Your mind clashes between trying to repent and your desire and lust. Your body agonizes, constantly trembling to repeat its routine in your dark life. Your heart quiver with the slightest sight of the "pleasure" in the dark side.

But that is why we have to make friends. Choosing your friends are the best way to survive. But, I choose not to be picky, anyone who are willing is a friend of mine. Befriends with all kinds of people, the pious, the nerds, the jocks, the smart ass, the joker, heck everyone! Learn from them. And in our context of post, the pious friends that you have are the one you should seek help and guidance from. They will be more than happy to help. I understand, we do feel shy, but that is normal. Try, bit by bit. If you cannot improve by leaps and bounds, cute little continuous baby steps will do to :) Never give up. The journey is hard, and bumpy so that you won't get bored ^-^
That is all for now, thank you, and do come again :)

:)

Rasa cemburu tu datang macam angin ribut, dengan tiba-tiba, sangat kencang, mungkin sahaja kita tak mampu mengharunginya tanpa terluka walau sekecil mana pun. Ya Allah, jika ini ujian yang engkau persiapkan untuk aku hadapi, andai ini rencana yang terbaik dari-Mu maka aku mohon, ya Allah, kuatkanlah hatiku menghadapinya, teguhkanlah aqidah ku, tabahkanlah jati diri ku. Aku akan cuba sehabis kudrat tenagaku, biarlah aku derita seperit mana, aku sanggup tempuhi demi mendapat keampunan-Mu. Kikislah perasaan cemburu yang tidak menentu ini ya Allah, semoga hatiku dapat menjaga dia yang aku sayang dengan sepenuhnya, tidak kira dalam apa keadaan sekali pun. Kurniakanlah aku kemampuan menjaga dan menyayanginya walaupun jika dia bukan milikku. Amiin.

Speeches.

We all said things that we pour every single emotion in it, hoping that the person listening would remember it, or at least get the point of what we are saying. And the thing that we are scared the most after saying it, is not whether the person will accept it or not, no, no, that's kinda like their choice :\ 


What we are scared of is that if that person thinks that we are just playing around, and take what we said as just some jokes, to be forgotten, without understanding it. We are scared people does not take the speech that we gave with all our heart and soul seriously. And when we look back, it hurts so damn much. All that talk, the truth, promises, and they just think it like some pep talk, a funny chat or something like that. 


Thank you.

Life Painted in Red. Act III

Today, the third semester opens its doors. Full of surprises. Drama. Tragedy. Some of us started with a blast, like me and my housemate, Am, we were supporting Italy during the quarter final match against The Three Lions, and Italy have won with so much style and it was glorious! Some, decided to start the semester with a different twist of fate, like missing their bus, or missing their luggage in the bus haha. Well, whatever happens, it added sparks to the start of a new chapter :)

Expecting to much is not good right? Somehow, deep inside, I think a part of me is tearing apart, and I don't even know, why, or what for. Have you ever feel that sudden seriously sharp pain somewhere between your heart and your stomach, and it causes you to have difficulties in breathing? Kinda like someone take a really fine, long needle and drive it slowly right through your body, again and again :S Maybe it is because of the weather kot, ye lah jerebu teruk kan(ayat sedapkan hati). Nan demo nai yo! Just play along until the time comes for me to make a move :)

Let's play a passive character shall we? Simply follow the flow, attract less attention(in the bad way), and try not to expect anything. Expecting something always comes with a terrible backfire. I'll say, let's take a new pace, like never I took before, something I tried every now and then but never stick to it for long. This is a great opportunity :)

Lastly, here are some questions that I have to apologize to those who asked because I lied

Are you okay?
Still feeling sick?
Want me to come over?
Are you lying to me?
Are you asleep?
Did you cry?

Is it the end? A new start? A re-run? A paradox? A fluke? An accident? A promo? I'm just a blogger.

You may come again if you can spare your time. Thank you.

Not again!

How do I ever get over you!? Heart beat increases. Body temperature rises. Perspiration maximum blast. Numb fingers. Feeling high.  

x_x

18SG

Ever had one of those feelings when you just want to punch someone in the face or double fist his balls? I do. Until today, every single time I hear about the stupid, annoying, treacherous things he did my stomach twist, I feel so sick, feel like puking. I always said to myself "Ah, we just met. I'm sure he's not that bad of a person". Now most of the time it worked! I mean they all do have a side that I found finally and make me forgets about all their downside and we become friends! Simple! But, wow, is it just me or somehow I found someone so unbelievably weird that can make me feel so terrible. I mean, one problem after another. Come on, give it a rest! Hm, I don't get it.

You badmouth every single person that you want. And then, you said that it doesn't mean that way, you mean it the other way, the nicest of way. The most stupidest, idiotic, fucked up part is that, you think every single thing that I post, write or say is about you! Damn it! Don't be delusional!

I actually tried, so hard, to convinced myself that you are a good person. Someone that really cares for others, who respect others, whether they are you family, close friends, friends, or just someone that you know. But, my... You have no respect for us, at all. But in our back, you say that we have no respect for each other. What the fuck?! You fucking attention whore!

I'm sorry. Maybe we are at fault. Maybe we didn't try to understand you(fuck, we did try). Maybe we are not like your friends back when before we met. Maybe we are wrong. Yes I admit, we did have our wrong doings. We have our bad side. Mistakes we did. Things we've done that we aren't proud of. Just because you haven't done anything bad(that we kept our mouth shut about), does not mean you can fucking step over us.

Why? Why, must you make it so hard for all of us. I am guilty for my crimes. The others are to. We tried to mend things together again. And for some time, it worked out just well. Again, you strike. I do not understand. Really. You said that you want to become like we used to be. But why are you breaking us apart again? Please, I want us to be happy again. Without fake smiles and awkward laughter.

You said some nasty, mean stuff, stuff that obviously cross the fucking line about the people I love. Did I shout to you about it? No. I just kept my anger. I retracted. Because I know, even if I confront you, wait, even if we confront you, you twist your word so that it seems we are the one who thinks bad of you. So much for being a gentleman aye? Remember, will never forget what you say about her, forgive you? Don't hope on it. But I will let that go.

Are you worthy? Of course in your mind you are. The people around you? Well, as long as you benefit from them they are worthy, in not? Thrash they are. Aren't we just thrash to you. All I want, is that I can look at you at a side that I comfortable and not sick of. It is quite easy, as long as there are no problems caused by you. Stop back stabbing us.

It is a give and take theory, simple as that. We are accepting you for what you are(since you didn't have any weakness), so why not accept us for who we are and help us to be better(so you say).

We are having our chance to make things better. Why not use it properly? :) Here's a quote from Johnny Depp, he's kinda awesome :D

"I think the to do is enjoy the ride while you are on it"

Simple enough? That, is what makes me accept all of the emotions I feel in my life, sad, happy, excited, discouraged, pumped up, madly in love... So that's from me. Drop a comment, if you are brave enough. Come again, you are a great audience ;)

Not Sure If Full of Ideas or just Bored

Hm, lucky I still have a lot of games for my PSP to play if not, it will be a very boring holiday. Actually, there's a lot of things I'm not sure right now. But I figured out that thinking about it without doing anything is just as boring as it will ever be. Not sure if I don't have anything to say, or there's too many things going on in my mind until I can't write them all. Hmm.. Never mind. Watching Portugal vs. Rep. Czech tonight. Maybe post something better afterwards. See you. Enjoy your day/night.

P/s: Bored......

Em, level 9 please.. Thank you.

So today(20/6/2012), I woke up, around 8.30 a.m. and again, the house was empty, mama went to work, and my sister and brother off to school. I drank the Milo they left for me, and then I sat. Feeling REALLY lonely. Reached my phone, typed "Good Morning" but I don't know to whom should I send that. So I deleted the message, and went back to feeling miserable. I think I kinda lost in my thought for a while, then suddenly I realize I haven't showered but my hair still looks nice :P So I decided to go for a swim! Yeay!

As I jumped and splashed into the arctic cold water of the pool, my brain decided to play a trick on me and start me thinking how sad, lonely and empty my life is now. To shut him up, I went out of the pool take a distance around 5 feet from the side, ran as fast as I could, jumped, and hit the water. It hurts. I kinda land the wrong way, on my back. But I let myself sink to the bottom, held my breath, close my eyes, and just feel the calmness, serenity, total silence........ The out of nowhere somebody pulled my legs up to the surface!

"Waahhhhh!!!"

She's surely not Malaysian, that I can tell you. Hazel hair, blue eyes, and of course white skin. Catching my breath, I stared at her.

"Are you okay?" Okay, she's British.

"What? Yeah. Why you pulled me out?"

"I thought you drowned! You were so long down there."

"No! I wasn't. I can swim. I don't drown. Agh, you scared me."

"I was scared! You didn't move at all just now."

"Well, yeah. Sorry. Em, thanks, for saving me?"

Hm, that kinda wrap up the start of our encounter. So, we had a little chit chat after that in the pool. Until it hits me that we were both shivering. We sat by the pool and continue our conversation. Then it started to get a bit warm and we both dried up. I put on my shirt, and was about to go back when she asked me to get something to eat, says she haven't had breakfast yet. And we went to the mamak near the pool. We talked for quite some time.

For once, I actually feel a bit better. So sorrows or sadness. Slate clean.

She was here since a month ago, visiting her aunt. She talks a lot. But she didn't tell much about herself. I didn't even get her full name, just Emily. Luckily she's not taller than me, phew. :P She's 17. Knowing that, I'm glad she didn't grow as much hehehe. For a 17 year old, she's quite outspoken. I mean, she speaks like someone older than me. That's funny and scary at the same time. The part that was a bit sad was that she's leaving tomorrow, and she's spending her last night with her aunt in a hotel(which I don't know where since she didn't tell). Honestly, I was quite sad. She's a great company. And she drank coffee like it's plain water. Either she have some serious drinking problem, or Malaysian's coffee are that good. I thought British people prefer tea, huh, guess I was wrong. So, after numerous stories and around 5 glass of coffee, we went back. It took me a couple of minutes to realize she was tailing me.

"Why are you following me?"

"I am not!"

"Then why are you following me?"

"Shut up, I stay in the 8th block drownie"

"Hey I live there. And stop calling me drownie, I didn't drown"

"Yeah sure, you were just having your moment of peace, woooooooo~"

So we talk nonsense some more till we reached the elevator. I don't always use the elevator with a British chick, but when I do, the lift sure is cramped, there's like about 6 people inside it. Usually it's just a person or two. We were pushed to the back corner of the lift. Can't reach the numbers. So I opened my mouth and...

"Em, level 9 please... Thank you" We said that at the same time. It was freakishly, weird and awkward.

Okay now comes the most unbelievable part. Her house is the exact opposite of mine! And we never bumped into each other! That is just pathetic man...

"Hey, I'm leaving at 3.00 p.m."

"Sure, have a safe trip"

"Oh come on, you are suppose to say "Would you like me to see you off?" or something like that!"

"Nah, I prefer, a surprise *grin*"

"Oh, ahaha, okay... I'll be going now, you take care"

"See you."

So at 3 o'clock, I managed to catch her before she got into the elevator. I gave her a tumbler with coffee I made myself in it, wrote something on the side of it. She smiled. Thanked me. And did something really, really awkward. And that may be the last time I set my eyes on Emily, from London.

What I learn from this, is that, we are living in a confined space. There are so many more to see, and learn. Yes, I am still not over yet from my feeling of miserable and sadness. But that doesn't mean I can't. ;)

Alhamdulillah, syukur kepada Allah. For giving me this experience. I enjoyed every single moment of it. From the happiest and most glorious times till the shallow, horrid, deep trench of darkness. My ustaz once said, "He who makes the same mistakes twice is an idiot", and well so far I am an idiot here and there but that is the process of learning. We all are idiots, but that doesn't mean we have to stay that way. We can learn.

That's all for now. Come again. Drop a comment. Maybe we can work something out ;)

Here's a cup of coffee :D

Is it time yet? Are we there yet?

Hm, I think I can take up a new mission now. But my boss said I ain't prepared yet. That I should take the whole holidays off any case. Get it out of my system as much as I can. Maybe I ought to take it slow. Haha, this is ironic, I always tell others to not rush things too much and over of our pace, but it seems all this time, I was flooring on the gas pedal to the max, man, this is embarrassing.

Boss asked me, which of my characters that I like the most. I said "Socially, my SMKBB character, and spiritually, my SASER character". She asked, what about MSU. It took me  a while but I figured out, me in MSU, is out of control, and I'm disappointed in myself. I let myself down :( I may not be a great person, but I know I am better than what I am in MSU. Now I know what kind of a person I do not want to be. After this, we'll stick to the basic stuff. Let's keep the advanced maneuver for later :)

One thing for sure. I've waited too long to change. Should have done it earlier, but I guess I was caught up in the heat. I don't want to jeopardize the people that I love anymore. It will be hard to kick out a bad habit, but it ain't impossible. I don't mind how hard it is, or how long it may take, but if I really want a future that doesn't sucks, I must do my best!

There's a time and place for everything.

Now the time has come, for me to make something new and worthy for my next phase of university life. We'll mend and improve everything possible within our hearts and mind. Mind over body. Once our heart is strong, and our mind is free and hold to our beliefs firmly. Without even noticing, physically, we already have changed, what's left is give it a little touch up. Then, when our basics are prepared, we just have to continue learning, adding our knowledge, test our strength spiritually and physically once in a while, and let the energy that Allah continuously pour to the world, our brothers and sisters, our family, to help us sail through the end of time.

But for now, let's start slow, small, and steady. Slow cooking is the best. One step at a time. InshaAllah. We will prevail~

I am but your humble blogger. Thank you for your attention. Come once more, it gets lonely without you ;)

Oh why?

Truth. I take a long and hard time to forget someone. But when I do, I really do forget about them, in the context of the amount of f*cks I gave about them is zero. In certain cases, this is proven to be very useful as I can always forget my enemies and then take them in back as a new person. What sucks is if this happen to the people I really care for, I feel that I have betrayed them. It makes me look like I'm some sort of kacang lupakan kulit :( I'm not. I know I do forget people and I apologize for that, but hey, The more you study, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. The less you know, the more you study. Then the cycle goes again and again. So each time I forget, I try to get to know you more and more. I'm sorry for what ever I had done that hurt your feelings(maybe you hurt mine too).

False. I think highly of myself. I do not. I just express and appear that I am the best, but that is not my goal. I want to see and know, just who, would say what, at my back, and who would do something to go against me or to help me. Sometimes it takes the enemies to help you, and your so called allies that leaves you idle and just watched you dig your own grave. That is why, I always welcome an enemy in my life, because your enemy will look from each angle, all the chances that he can to get your weakness and your mistakes. This is how I found my strength. When your friends just watched you crumble, there will be your enemy who always keep kicking your ass back up, because he longed for a great fight, so thank you my enemies :)

Though we must know when to make use and apply the concepts we learn in our lives, because know;edge alone without understanding it's power is futile. We often came across people who constantly change their view and perspective about things in life right? They are called "lalang", as in people who do not have a firm beliefs. Now what we may have overlooked is that these people are like sub-machine guns, they make quick calls as they may not hit the target the first time, they adapt to the situation rather differently, they try many route and say it out loud. Unlike the sniper type of people, they are pro's. Talks once in a while, but they hit the target at pinpoint accuracy. Truth. I am not a sniper type. Maybe one day I will, but I don't know whether if I will like it. But that's a different story.

Life is about perspective, whether the glass is half full, or half empty or the cup is just too big for the water in it, you can still drink that water! So be sad, happy, angry whatever, feel the emotions flowing. But be sure to look at the bright side of every time. Even if the good things are smaller than the bad, savor it.

So, take up a cause.

Fall in love.

Write a book(or a blog).

Thank you. Live life to the fullest(do not be an idiot). And you are always welcome to visit again :)

Here's a picture of cute little kittens :3

That awkward moment when...

... you want to text her that you reached home safely, but you can't.
... you are having a great time and you want to share it but you can't.
... you realize it is kinda lonely not having your phone vibrates every now and then.
... you had a delicious meal but can't tell her.
... you saw something/someone that reminds you of her but you can only keep it to yourself.
... you subconsciously reached your phone, typed a message, and later realize you must not send it.
... you know it is awkward for her to.
... you drink her favorite cool blog flavor even though you never would order it before.
... you automatically typed her number every time you wanna call someone else.
... you found yourself listing everything you know and remember about her on the tissue paper and your friends are watching *facepalm*
... when you post something so awkward, and you realize it, but post it anyway.

and the worst of all...

That awkward moment when you are going to bed, your hands moves on its own and typed Goodnight to her, and you realize, you can't do that anymore, and you sleep, feeling in between emptiness, freedom, and serenity. But it doesn't matter. Because I am grateful for it. I feel so thankful, that I was given the chance to go through this, and for the things that had happened.

Now, that awkwardness is becoming kinda cute and sweet for me. So I don't mind. Just keep smiling, and Hakuna Matata. 

;) Thank you, and come again :)

The Fables : Reloaded

Me: Here it is.. I decided it is better if I part ways with her.

GM: What?!

Player: Welcome back brother!!

GM: Why, I thought you said she was the one, that you are confident about it!?

Player: Who cares, my boy is back!

Me: Wait, wait. Don't get the wrong ideas. I'm doing this because it is the thing needed to be done.

Player: What ever your reason is, I'm confident it is for a better cause, as long as you are solo till you are 27, I am satisfied. Hahahaha!

GM: No! Explain why did you do this?!

Player: Lalalalala~

Me: Look, 7 years, I am bound to make some idiotic mistakes. If I really screw up, and caught in an argument with her, there's like 85% chance that I may lose her forever. So if we stop now. In 7 years time, if we really are meant for each other, then I will go for her, for real. 

GM: Okay, I get it.

Player: That's not all isn't it? Heh..

Me: You mean?

Player: Oh, come on, you know it is haram, many things, and you can't let her and yourself to be indulge in sin. Plus, I know you too well, you are fed up with the people around you that talk at your back on how bad you are but they never did anything right?

Me: How did you...

Player: Don't interrupt. Then you decided that if no one would do anything, you yourself might as well do it, but take it at your own pace, and let the others keep talking. Right? 

Me: Yeah.. But who told you this?

Player: You. I know how you are in high school man. When you do wrong things, you feel guilty and you know what to do. But you always take the most longest, and most winding path there is, just so that very few people actually notices what you do. 

GM: Wow, you actually said something that made sense. I was always proud to have you as my twin, but now, I love you even more.

Player: Well, you are the one who taught us that silence does not mean ignorance or stupidity, it may be a powerful mind working discreetly. :)

GM: And you taught us that, talking loud like an idiot will give you that stupid asshole look so that only those who really you want will know how you really are.

Me: Thank you, through all the thick and thin we went together, I would never wished for a better party. This mark the end for another chapter in our life. Until the next episode, take care, eat well, sleep well, and come again :)

Here is a picture that i found, its titled "The start of something beautiful" I like it and it really fits my feelings for now, hope you like it too :)

Tulislah Jalan Cerita Hidup Kita :)

Kita semua nak hidup gembira kan? :) Xde sape yg nk hidup sedih2.
Kalau kita nak sesuatu, kena korbankan sesuatu.
Kalau kita beri sesuatu, pasti kita dapat sesuatu. Dua2 ni hukum sama nilai.

Nak keputusan exam cemerlang? Korbankan lah masa dok main2. Kan?

Bila kita senyum kat orang, dia senyum balik. Dapat dah sesuatu kan?
Kalau dia tak senyum pun, kita dapat jugak sesuatu, pahala, kan? :)

Kadang2, kita tau orang pandang serong pada kita. Tapi kita pun kena fikir, kenapa benda tu boleh jadi. Mungkin memang ada silap kita.
Dan setiap orang ada cara yang tersendiri untuk melakukan perubahan.
Ada yang terus berubah 180 darjah.
Ada yang ambil masa yang panjang .
Ada yang susun satu persatu tingkah yang perlu diubah.
Ada yang berubah sedikit demi sedikit.
Ada juga yang berubah tanpa disedari.

Orang lain mungkin tak perasan perubahan yang kita cuba lakukan.
Segelintir menyukarkan perubahan yang kita ingin lakukan.
Ramai yang boleh membantu kita berubah.
Tetapi apa yang penting kita sendiri sedar, yakin, dan percaya pada diri atas apa yang kita lakukan. Biarlah orang nak kata apa. Selagi kita tahu, apa yang kita buat itu, baik atau buruk, dan apa kesannya, jangan la kita putus asa :)

Kita kena terima satu fakta yang kejam. Sekarang kita hidup dalam zaman, sangat sedikit orang yang akan tegur kita secara terang-terangan, lebih2 lagi kalau yang melibatkan agama. Tapi ini tak bermaksud kita pun patut jaga tepi kain sendiri je, bila nampak benda tak elok, kalau mampu tegurlah dengan cara orang tu paham kenapa kita tegur, berkias sangat pun nnt orang x paham atau meluat.

Agaknye, bila orang2 yang dilabel sebagai "perosak", "sampah masyarakat" dan "buat malu kaum" ni tegur golongan yang anggap diri dia lebih baik tu, baru la sentap kan. Baru la nak ungkit2. Nasihat, jangan kerek sangat..

Cer bayang(or kita pun pnah hadapi situasi ni), si A punya la baik, semua aspek la baik, agama, akademik segala2 la mmg terbaik, tapi kawan dia si B dia biarkan hanyut, bila ditanya kenapa x tolong, jawapan2 ni yang keluar, "Dah dia xnak tolong diri sendiri.." , "Eh, aku pun bukan nye baik sangat.." , "Aku dah tegur da cara baik, berkias2 lagi, tp dia yang x paham..." . Haaa, achaner tu?

Apa kaitan coretan ni dengan tajuk? Macam xde kan? Haha :)
Cuma nak kata, kuasa di tangan anda(macam iklan celcom daa..)
Kita boleh pilih, di akhir hari nanti, kita akan lihat perjalanan hidup kita dan berkata, "Oh puas hati aku sebab apa yang berlaku adalah atas izin Allah yang membolehkan rancangan yang aku buat, cerita yang aku tulis di dalam kotak hati dan minda ku, aku puas kerana dapat hidup dengan cara yang aku nak" ataupunn.... "Oh, kenapa la diorang xnak tolong aku, kalau la diorang bagitau aku awal2 benda tu salah kan x jadi macam ni, kenapa la diorang xnk tolong aku..". Hehehe...

Oleh itu, tulislah jalan cerita hidup anda, nak jadi protagonis, antagonis, watak kecil, semua pun boleh. Jangan terlalu lama menyalahkan orang lain sebelum menyedari kesilapan diri. Pasti ada sesuatu yang kita boleh buat.

Hm, nak kongsi ayat sket, hehe tapi ni biasa2 je.

Berlian, emas, dan permata semuanya ditemui di celah-celah batu, tanah, dan lumpur, jadilah sepertinya, kegembiraan kepada orang yang berusaha mencari kamu di dalam kegelapan dan kekotoran.

Sekian sahaja, terima kasih, jagalah diri, dan datanglah lagi :)

Thank you for the song..

Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life

And if you go, I wanna go with you
And if you die, I wanna die with you

Take your hand and walk away

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Life

Such a lonely day
And it's mine
It's a day that I'm glad I survived

Love the Way You Lie

Next time?

There will be no next time.

I apologize,

Even though I know it's lies,

I'm tired of the games,

I just want you back.

Fables

Player: Oioi, wth r u doing?
Me: Eeehh?? What?
Player: Tch, dnt act dumb, you already broke three rules, whats going on here?!
Me: ....
Player: Answer me goddamit!!
GM: Now2, no need the harsh words now do we?
Player: Tch, buzz off ossan..
GM: Give him some space, its been a while since he actually let his feeling run free aite?
Player: Space? Run free? Are u kiddin me? Im not going thru the aftershock anymore fer god sake!
GM: Haha, i thot u r the risk taker?
Player: Yes! When the one at risk is others!
Me: Uhm, guys?
Player: What!
GM: Yes?
Me: I know that, this is a bit ridiculous but, I want to risk it with her. I mean, I got nothing to..
Player: Stop right there kid...
GM: .....
Player: You're not living a fantasy, this isnt a game anymore when you took part in it. There's no restart. Game over. Youre spent.
Me: But we can try! I mean this time it's different!
Player: Try? You TRIED before! And whats the diff this time?!
GM: This time, he pushed us both aside and actually said it himself. Previously we pushed them into confessing remember?
Player: So, whats the big deal? Hve u forgotten ossan when you took the hit?
GM: Tsk, shut up. U hve to remember too if it isnt bcoz of me, u wouldnt be here.
Player: Heh, what, thank you fer being cheated and finally let me off my chains? Dont get cocky with me.
GM: Wanna row with me boy I got all night long?
Player: Bring it!
Me: STOP! Both of you! Wtf r u guys think u r doing!!? U r not helping!
Player: Now u r mad.
Me: No, I mean, yeah.
Player: Wtf. Are you or aren't you?? Decide kid!
Me: Huuuuhh... Look, I like her, I do care about her, and I really...
GM: Will you marry her?
Me: Yes, er No! I mean maybe one day if..
Player: But for now you have no freakin' intention of taking her as your bride. Yes or no?
Me: .......
Player: Yes, or No kid?!
Me: Y-yes.....
GM: Then don't go on. Stop now before it get too late.
Player: It's all about business..
Me: But she'l get hurt and..
Player: YOU'LL GET HURT TOO!! DAMN! CAN'T YOU THINK PROPERLY!!!??

.......... and time flies by, as I ignore my other side of self. I took the risk of divide and don't let them conquer even your tiniest decision. Until one day, I realized it was time for us to make one solid decision that in our sense of justice, is the thing that NEEDS to be done even though we may not want it. Thus, the story continues....

 Me: Hey guys.
GM: Oh, still remember us?
Player: Haha it's the kid who mastered my skills and your techniques GM!
GM: Aha, he who believes he is classed on top of others!
Me: Please, I'm sorry that I shut you guys away, but I have to take a risk, I mean you both were not so successful before.
Player: You wretched, ungrateful, piece of
GM: Damnit stop could you?
Player: What! How stay calm when he says things like that!?
GM: Well, it's the truth isn't it? So let's hear what he have to say. We had our chances, we blew it, you have to admit it.
Me: Thank you. Now look, things have change a whole freaking lot, I do want to marry her, seriously I do, I pray every time after my solat for it. But there is one thing that is eating me from the inside and I cant take it much longer or I may lose myself again.
GM: Speak up, what is it?
Player: If this is something stupid I'll gouge your sanity out!
Me: It's time.
Player: What? You need more time? Wrong timing?
GM: .......
Me: We still have that one promise that we swore our lives on it remember? With Mel?
GM: The 7 years pact. But you broke it remember?
Player: Yeah, plus you broke it twice!
Me: It seems that the two of you are the ones who did not remember the whole thing, think back and hard.
Player: .....
GM: What is it?
Player: Oh my... The second part of the promise...
GM: The second part?! All engagements, and marriage are strictly forbidden....
Me: Only after 7 years time, or as we say it, when I am a real doctor, with a house, car and money to sustain a family.
GM: So what are you trying to say here?
Player: Yeah, I still can't see where you are going with this.
Me: Okay, here goes, seven years is a long time, a very long time, and I don't think I can sustain such long relationship without any black and white, I mean it is illegal and wrong, so I have made a decision and I want to know what you two think about it.
GM: Okay, go on.
Me: Here it is........

To be continued...

Blame me! PLEASE!!

It's always the men at fault.
Well I proudly would accept and embrace it.
Blame.
Fault.
Responsibility.
Trust.
Call it what ever you want, because it is what you choose to believe it is. Sorry if that does not make any sense. But I do say that yes to all of this.
Rape, caused by men.
Moral decay, caused by men.
Innocent girls ruined, caused by men.
Dog got hit by car, caused by men.

We are at fault, because you say so. Because you don't want to take responsibility. Because you were afraid of doing something. Because you want to have a story.

The way I see it. It is because you believe that men have the power. You believe that men are stronger. You believe that men are more capable. You believe that men can change the whole universe if they want to. That is how I see it.

Blaming yourself is not weak, or having low self-esteem. It is the first step acknowledging your mistakes and realizing the power, will and strength that you possess to change, towards better or worse. I believe, "He who can accept his weakness calmly when pointed by others shall live a happy life, and have his enemies suffers".


So do not fret, brace yourself. People will blame you for many things, some of them are not even your fault, well take 5 seconds to think and say to yourself, "Hey, this guy must love me, he believe that I can change things with my ability". Just 5 seconds, think hard and fast, turn the tables around, be the future hero, be the chosen one, be someone with the power to change!

Some may think what I posted is bullshit, but hey, you don't find gold in a heap of feathers, you find it deep down in the dirt. I hope people who actually read this post benefit something, if not, well I'm planning to read my blog again one day in the future, so I did myself a favor, why not you? ;)

This is Asyraf Zai, bringing you something to kill your time, thank you :D