Perspective perspective~

This is not my eyes or eyelashes -_-

"Tak patut dia buat macam tu, kurang ajar tahu?"
"It's illogical, even a 5 years old can think and know it is wrong!"

You know, we never can be sure who is right, us, or the other side. We all have our way of thinking and looking at things.

Kita tak berada di tempat dia. Senang la kita cakap, "Kalau aku, takdenye aku nak buat macam dia tu".. KALAU. Tapi kita TIDAK berada di tempat dia.

Or maybe you HAD been in situation like theirs, and then you said that it was hard, you survived, but did not act as stupid as them. Well, did they eat same like you? Are their friends same as yours? Do they get education, social exposure and be treated same like you? Their hearts, are they being nourished, and given the sufficient spiritual content?

Habis tu siapa suruh dia kawan dengan orang yang macam tu? Dia memang macam tu, sial, dari dulu sama je perangai, tak nak berubah! Aku dah malas nak layan orang macam ni, dulu dia pernah jugak buat macam ni, ni dia ulang lagi. Dah keluarga dia jenis yang buat hal masing-masing, kita nak buat macam mana? Tak pa laaa, kita ni siapa nak tegur dia~

Oh, there's also the safe comment type of people. Like these: Maybe he didn't know. Maybe his family didn't live together, I'm just saying. Some people are just born like that, no offence. He did this before, I thought he changed, ah, I don't know.
And many others that comment and cover it up nice and tidy so that they did not seem like a bad person.

The thing is, it is just damn hard not to. We were raised in such society that comments and act like that. Heck even I'm one of them. This is a global problem. We think that we see things at every aspect and we are making the right call. Actually, no one can judge, right or wrong, fairly.

There is a lot of redundancy in discussions about this. And we, ourselves, choose, which side are we on. Everybody thinks that they are on the right side. People who notice that they are wrong and are adamant on their stand are just to ashamed to admit it.

We MUST try our best to be in the other person's shoe(is this correct?). Cuba la selidik dahulu, latar belakang dia, pergaulan dia, agama dia, iman dia. Semua tu beri kesan macam mana tindak balas dia terhadap sesuatu situasi tu. Kadang-kadang kita mengenali dan mengetahui lebih mengenai satu pihak dan tidak pihak yang lagi satu, itu pun beri impak dalam penilaian kita bukan?

Ambil contoh mudah. Situasi: Kawan kau hampir-hampir kena langgar lori yang dipandu laju gila.
Kena la kita tahu, macam mana, dekat mana, situasi, kronologi, keadaan sekeliling semua. Kalau ikut keterangan atas tu, rata-rata mesti pertahankan rakan sendiri habis-habisan betul? Pasti ada beberapa pendapat yang berbeza bukan? Antaranya.. Bodoh lah drebar lori tu, yang bawak laju-laju apehal, ni kan tempat awam, speed limit 20 je, sial. Kau dah nampak kan lori tu laju tak nak slow, yang kau dok rilek lenggang lagi kenapa.. Dah, dah, dia bodoh, kau ada otak, orang macam tu jangan kau cari pasal, dia yang tak habis sekolah, akal dengan sabar dia kontot, dah, dah, tok sah dok kecoh. Tak, memang dia salah, kalau bawak balai ni, mati la dia, sial betol.

Nampak? Itu pun baru satu situasi yang agak biasa. Dah ada bermacam-macam pendapat. So? Enjoy the differences! :)

The thing is, we are affected by our affiliation, interest, knowledge, affection, emotions, and so on. Is that a weakness? Yeah, sure is. But it is also strength, and originality. It is one of the things in life that helps us mature and become wiser. We are blessed with thoughts, akal, or the best term for it, عقل. Most of lliving things have brains, like humans. But to my point of view, they are not blessed with what we humans have, 'aqal. 

We have the creativity and the ability to discover, learn, and improvise. The ability to question, and the power to find the truth to answer those questions. Our minds are beyond what we know what they are capable of. We developed, from cavemen to professionals. Hut from leaves and wood thousands of years ago, now we are able to build skyscrapers from concrete, steel, and glass. We have a vast sea of creativity that never cease to expand! Building even a chair now have thousands of designs, hundreds of materials to be used, and millions of name to name them! Our brain power are so powerful, it visions great empire to reality, it theorized formula years ahead of its time, it persuades others to be calm, happy, and comfortable around us. But do remember, the brain feeds on knowledge, even as simple as how to walk or how to hold a pencil. Knowledge is power. Power may create wonders, and destroy them.

Damn, I messed up the background color. Sorry for that. Ahem, this is what I would like to convey in my post. Please, respect others. In any way possible. If you think you are smart and right, well in their mind, they are to. Be a better person, take time, try to understand. It is never too late. Even after you said some bad things about them and then realize you miss something that cause them to act that way and you started to understand even a little bit, open your heart, be brave, and go to them, help them. I myself need A LOT to learn. We all do. Alas, this post is written on my sense of thinking, if you have something to share, I'm more than happy to welcome you.

Imagine our mind are like branches and leaves on a tree...

So that's all for now, to all my friends who are facing their final exams, I pray the best for you guys, and girls, to those who are on their break, happy holidays, have fun, be sensible, be calm, be positive, I'm Asyraf Zai, signing out :)

Rabble rabble!

Ever got that feeling where you wanna tell someone something, the urge that is so great, you get all jumpy, hyped(not Hippo -._.-), and excited? Have you? Have you? :D

Well let's shatter that, and you are left with what? Disappointment, heart-broken, and stupidly sad. Not the intro you expected? That should work just fine. So let us continue :)

First week of holidays, yeaaayyyyy~ Well, "lucky" me, I was so expecting to continue my driving lesson and hopefully get my driving license this time around as mama told me, it turned out I'm starting next week. Bam! So there I was, uphilling(does this word even exist?) my way up to my house, thinking, what the heck am I gonna do now... First thing on the holiday list is now ruined(em okay just postponed).

So, in exchange, I was to look after my siblings and my 8 years old nephew. Yeaaayyyyyyy~~~ :D Well at least it ain't THAT boring, kids have so many things to ask, and sometimes you just hoped they could just "shush" for an hour. Seriously.. Every 5 minutes, "Eh, ni ape bang?", "Abang men game ape tuu??", "Boleh habis ke baca buku tebal2 ni??", "Kita gy swimming pool jom?!"... and etc. Why didn't you respond?? Oh, sorry, distracted. Ahem, moving on.

Few days ago, I decided it is time I should go and collect a gift a friend of a friend of mine posted, from across the sea(ceh so romantic :P) I thought it was as simple as taking a bus go to the post office I which thought was the right one, give the number for the parcel and gleefully hop on a bus and make my way back to my crib(ceh crib konon) with three annoying, cute and fun little monsters. Alas, when you expect sunny day until the evening, suddenly rain in the afternoon -_-".... I end up going around three post office in three different sections before founding the right one to claim my prize, em well, not mine actually, I'm just the middleman passing the item. Hm fon aku rosak ke ni? Uh sorry2, gangguan. So, after time and money spent, I got my hands on the brown parcel, phew.. It was stupidly tiring, but it was a great, and awesome feeling, accomplishing a mission(which supposed to be done long before this, sorry) And I got my reward as well! Yeay, thanks sahabat :) To the both of you, I don't know, good luck? Congratulations? Em, aha, semoga berbahagia keduanya ye :P hehehe.

Other than that, I spend my time scolding(with of compassion and love) my siblings and little nephew to study and all, catch up to my stacks of unread books(yeay finally Kane Chronicles!), swimming as frequently as I can(though not very successful), PSP-ing, watch anime an episode per day, trying(seriously, experimenting) on food to cook, and of course the endless and most dominant, the Eat n Sleep curse cycle :O hahahaha... Though I kept waking up at 4.55-4.57 each morning, hmm.. I notice that, there is a lot of change in me, on how I see things. I mean, things are not as simple as they were. Still, I just treat them simply, my head had enough of heavy thinking, my body shouldn't risk it, not yet. Heh.

Honestly, I want to write, a whole lot more, but, I can't, I still wanna tell that special someone first before writing it here, yes it is you Afifah.. It is youuuuuuuuuuuuu~~~ ~(-_-~)(~-_-)~ -_- :p

Huh, guess what, we never can get too much or enough of holidays. At start, we'll probably say, yeahhhh!!! holidayyyy!!! In the middle we'll be like, dude, I'm bored to death man... Then in the end all of us will be like, Noooooo~ I want my holidays backk~ There's still so much to do~ Meh, humans, we never know what we actually want/need and put them into their categories. I think I'm opening a new topic now, with no apparent reasons. Em, you can stop reading now, nothing is planned after this sentence anyway, just random sayings. Ever feel sick and the want to punch a kid so hard bcoz of their big headedness, blagak pandai n kerek nak mampos? Pnah? Well, once, we were in that place. Or maybe not, I vote that I have never been like that huh. The thing is, the reason why you should not add FB friends who clearly are kids far younger than you is that, the way they communicate, their way of speech, what do they talk of is pretty different from what we, a little bit more mature person does. I mean, seriously, my walls are fucked up by little kids so obsessed with kpop, I mean, damn, why did I even approved you?!

Here's one incident that I think blew me away. Ok so there's this little girl right(I don't even know her, maybe a friend of my sister or her junior, whatever). I think it was Friday last week(the day we returned from BTN) that night there's this Mnet Asian Music Award, or MAMA showing on the tv. This kid was seriously ANNOYING about it, soooooo fussy, kecoh, mak enon gile about B2ST being the best group la, the other group are shitty and so on, and saying things like "Lg baik pakai duit pgy tgk B2ST menang MAMA dr dok umah tgk Msia kalah dgn Indon nanti" and "B2ST is the best, Bigbang, Suju semua xleh pakai!!" Seriously, that is annoying, my news feed was crammed with those stuff, damn it. You wanna know something, at first, I wanna watch MAMA, but then I got sick with it, (and for another reason :3) I didn't watch it.
So, B2ST didn't win, BigBang does(Hell yeah!) Ikut ati nak je aku spam wall bdak tu puas2, tp sbb xnk jd cam bdak2, aku biar jela... Then diam terus bdak tu~ Alik2 bila msia menang, wah, terus tukar dp and cover jd harimau malaya, keluar lak status "x pntg pun MAMA sape yg mnang, yg penting Msia menang!" And I was like, whaaaaatt??? "Matang" gile sehhhhh~  Em ok disebabkan si comel afifah kacau sye type blog, so my idea to blog is stumped halfway, I'll stop here and blame the weird post on her then :P Hehe.

Happy Holidays~

Alhamdulillah, maka sampai lah ke penghujung :)

Kita akhiri perjalanan sebagai penuntut MSU dan A-Level secara rasminya dengan tasbih kafarah dan surah al-`Asr.

Sejauh perjalanan ini, onak dan ranjau kita tempuhi. Maafkan aku wahai sahabat. Atas setiap sesuatu yang telah mengguris hati dan perasaan kalian. Terlalu ramai yang telah aku sakiti. Dan terlalu banyak juga diri disakiti. Secara terbuka, aku meminta maaf, dan aku cuba lupakan apa yang pernah menikam diri ini.

Terima kasih, atas segala nasihat, bantuan, sokongan dan setiap detik waktu yang diluangkan bersama :) Dari ruang belajar, kamar tidur, kuliah, ke dapur berasap, hingga ke gelanggang futsal, kalian adalah sebaik2 sahabat, dan sehebat2 seteru ;) Jika diizinkan Ilahi, aku impikan, aku inginkan, dan telah kita usahakan, semoga kita semua, bersama selama mungkin, InsyaAllah, bersama2 kita meluaskan potensi diri, membuka pengembaraan baru, sebuah epik mahsyur yang bakal kita coret bersama di India nanti ;) Amiin.

Sampai di sini sahaja nukilan yang tulus ikhlas, dan tidak seberapa.Sayang di dalam hati ini untuk kalian, kian bertambah tiap detik. Pernah sayang itu menjadi benci. Namun, hati ku tidak mampu bertahan. Tewas. Perasaan sayang terhadap kalian melambung tinggi dengan setiap tragedi yang berlaku, insiden yang terjadi sejak dulu hingga kini. Jangan risau, akan ada warkah versi Bahasa Inggeris selepas ini, nantikan :) Assalamualaikum.

Exam Playlist Now Playing

Hmm, I do think my grammar is getting worse, so please, do forgive my mistakes :]

Well, well, well. So this is what we have come to? I just don't really get it.

When you gave your word to someone, you promise them something. And should you be a logic, straightforward, normal person, you hold on to it, you deliver it, you keep it. Why? Breaking promises is bad, I mean seriously, not cool bro. But, there is something worse than breaking promises to others. There is? Of course, and that is breaking the promise that you make to yourself.

Come on, admit it, we all betrayed ourselves at least once. AT LEAST. You, who said you wanna work out and exercise regularly to be fit and all, well now you're still doing nothing and too lazy to break a sweat aite? You, promised to not eat those greasy, oily,fattening, delicious foods, oh well, that last for a week or two then you're back to fast foods, and deep fried meat, good going. You, said that you wanna change, wanna be stronger, to refuse temptation, to repent, to stop all those dirty nasty things you did, well, guess what, you gave out on the smallest test, then you continue falling deep, deep, deeper into the darkest, deepest abyss, saying you wanna change still, but, that's all talk, no action. You, who said that no more frauds, no more cons, no more twist and turns of words, adamant in being honest, straight, turning over a new leaf, well good going, each sentence from you never miss a single slander, and then the "No offense" become your new template speech, great, just great. We, who all promised each other and to ourselves, to be better, for this world, to improve towards greatness together, are now dwelling in competitions, obsessed in individuality, chained by statistical grades, losing practical skills, and will be announced extinct from common sense! Even me, if I may say are blasting all of us of our weakness and darkness with nothing to do to help, even me, typing all this, some will surely think, that I'm some snobby asshole trying to look smart, spouting such garbage, but will I care? Well most probably yes, for a few moments, then? Back to pointing weaknesses, why? Because I am weak, we all are. Unprepared. Easily satisfied. Comforted by feeble things. Discontented by anything that will jeopardize our interest. Again, individuality, in a very dangerous and selfish way.

What's more corrupted than pointing weakness? It is refusing to admit and acknowledge it. Yeah. We do that A LOT. Refusing. Denying. Salah ke? Tidak. Jika kena waktunya. Tapi kalau dah acap kali engkau betul, tidak pernah salah, tidak punya kelemahan, mungkin tiba masa untuk menatap cermin wahai kawan. I myself need to do a lot of self reflection, a long one. You know that ironic feeling when your own words comes back at you? You feel like an idiot, damn weak, like you wanna beat the crap out of yourself. It's not that you are lacking in confidence, no, it's because you realized, you are STRONG, but alas, still you fall helplessly, stupidly, into the hideous, pitch black, lonely, horrifying well that is endless. You know you can get out, but you are just too lazy, too cozy, enjoying that fall, feels like flying, right. Idiot. No, not you. I am.

I can go on and type some more, but, my Statistic's Past Year questions won't complete by their own, and I do suck at it, still not that confident, and then there's Chemistry, man, can we really not be individualistic, exam oriented, and obsessed in academic excellence? Yes we can, but, I don't think it would be easy. Most of us prefer the easy way --> Just keep studying, nothing else matters, grades does. Trying to balance studies and sports, social, bla bla bla seems too time and energy consuming, so many took the passive path. Dude, I really need to stop, maybe I'll write about the path we live life next time, or maybe not, I may just forget about what I typed anyways. Well, not sorry for the quite long post. Let's change something aye? Me and you. So, thank you for reading, do come again, it makes me happy, caffeine will make you want to pee, so yeah, this is Asyraf Zai, signing out!

Simple simple

Hm nothing much, just decided to remove the music player, getting annoying really. Well we sometimes have to do that, you know, remove something in our life, it doesn't do much damage, but still it is a nuisance. Check that, remove things every now and then, make space for new ones. Really want to mention a friend named Jagdeeshwer Singh aka Jack who turned over a new leaf, gotta admit, that kind of change ain't easy, it is admirable, got a lot of great things coming if he keeps it up :) Well short post, exam on Tuesday, good luck to all who are taking A-Level(AS or A2) exams. Live it up people, live life to the fullest not foolest.

Until next time, have a cookie, I'm Asyraf Zai, signing out ;D

A situation I cannot comprehend.

Sometimes, I don't really understand myself. My mood changes like the wind. Calm and breezy at one time. Raging hurricane the next moment. Until Mel says that I have mood swings worse than her on "that time of the month". -.- Very funny.

I don't know why. I really hate saying goodbye to my family. Maybe that's why I rarely "balik rumah" even though it ain't that far. That is also the reason I rather come back to Shah Alam by public transport than being sent by my dad. It gets really sad on the way. Sometimes without even noticing it, tears start to run down my cheeks. Then my mum would ask "Kenapa nangis ni bang?". And I just can't answer. My throat feels like it is being choked or strangled. Even if I tried  to answer, my voice would definitely crack.

Maybe I played the roles to much and forgot about some of my feelings. Maybe I did feel offended by what you said, and what they did. And I kept it in. Trying to be strong with strength that I don't have. Not that I wanted to "tunjuk kuat" or anything, but I just don't know how to express it. Luckily, I do have a place to let it all out. I thank you for being there for me. :')

I bet all of you felt this way before right. At least once. All I know, is that, no matter how hard times get, how worse the situation is, I always have you to lean on. We all have someone that we open up the hidden doors, the locked closet, the lost pages of our life to. It does not mean that we are weak. It means we are smart enough not to burden ourselves.

The Riddler. He come and go in our mind every now and then. Leaving us with mixed emotions from his twisted words. He's neither a friend nor a foe. Just a part of us, who keep us thinking of what we did not. We all have one. He's always there. Fiddling with things that we took light of and find the reason for us to think about it.

That is all for now. Bye.

Raya!

Assalamualaikum :)

We'll start off with  phrase Afifah shot at me.

"Hm, awak kalau da balik Johor, semua pun lupa."

Well, to be honest, that is actually true. But for a very good reason. I mean, I love my Johor. Just like Afi loves Kedah, Liza loves Kelantan and Hui Ying loves her hometown in Muar. Most of my relatives are in Johor. My grandparents are in Johor. My father lives in Johor. My IC state number is 01, Johor.

Seriess.. Kalau balik Johor, memang mintak ampun sangat-sangat, susah aku nak pegang fon... kecuali untuk orang-orang tertentu ;) hehe. Dah balik Johor, memang berjalan ke rumah orang je kerjanye. Rumah sedara-mara dari Johor ke Batu Pahat la, ke Pasir Gudang, Kulai, Ulu Tiram, Kangkar Pulai, Kampung Melayu, semualah. Tak masuk lagi rumah kawan papa dekat area-area yang tak pernah pergi selama ni.. So, memang perhatian tu takde sangat kat phone. Nafsu nak berSMS pun kurang hoho. Tapi dengan dia ada je :P Lagipun jarang yang amat sangat, satu family dapat kumpul dekat Johor ni, tambah-tambah lagi aku dah masuk U. Memang payah kitaorang nak gather :( So bila dapat gather tu, memang aku tak berapa nak sangat tengok fon or nak berFB nih, better layan family kann...

Ni la kira-kiranya perasaan bila kena fire direct tu hoho.

Tapi dah lama dah orang tegur aku pasal kes balik Johor ni, cuma cik adik sorang tu ja yang main fire direct, haha. Sentap lah jugak. Selalu orang main perli-perli ja. Dia main bagi, tak pandang kiri kanan dah, haha. Kalau salah orang yang bagi, silap hari bulan melenting kot aku? Haha. Nasib baik dia yang cakap, nak marah pun terlupa haha. Tengok, special tau awak. Tu pun tak percaya lagi kan? Hm, takpe lah....

This year, I did not get the chance to properly wish my friends Selamat Hari Raya since somehow this year, celebrating Raya in Johor is different from what it used to be. I am so truly sorry for those I did not wish a Selamat Hari Raya or Happy Holidays at all >.< So to make it up, and not being a drama queen, here's my template wishes for all of you ;)

Ampun dan maaf dipinta, andai ada salah dan silap kata di sepanjang pertemuan kita. Segala sengketa, setiap angkara, dan apa-apa perbuatan yang mengguris hati harap diampunkan. Semoga kita kekal mesra hingga ke penghujungnya. Berbahagialah dan bergembiralah di samping keluarga tercinta. Kalau ada rezeki, kita jumpa ye :) Selamat Hari Raya Eidulfitri, Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Terima kasih kepada insan-insan yang telah SMS & call untuk ucap Selamat Hari Raya dan Happy Holidays, rasanya yang SMS tu aku dah pun balas semua(kot). Kalau tak, err, maaf lah ye, terlepas pandang. Hehe.

Tahun ini tahun yang sangat bermakna bagi aku, sebab ramai kawan baru yang aku jumpa dengan cara yang aku tak pernah terfikir pun, kawan-kawan lama yang aku ingat dah tak akan jumpa lagi :') dan kawan-kawan yang aku sedia ada pun semakin cantek-cantek belaka perangai dan rupa nya hehe. Sekian sahaja buat kali ini, semoga berjumpa lagi. :) Afifah, ketupat awak kat bawah ni ek :p

P/s: Awak, nak ketupat nasi kan? Hm, tak dapat bawak balik la, da habis :( Nanti kita buat ketupat sama2 ye :p ;)

Pages.

I read books a lot. If any of you read novels as much as I do, there will be at least, once that you come across a time that you feel this sudden urge to re-read one of the previous pages right? Pages that you read long ago.

And when you actually read this page, you will either feel very satisfied and happy about it or somehow you feel disappointed and start saying "This is not the way I remember the story" in your head.

But whatever it is you felt after re-reading it, you must remember, there must be a strong and special reason why is it in the first place you actually wanted to re-read it. Maybe that page have some sentimental values for you, or you read that page with someone special to you, or that page changed your life totally. Well, at least you're lucky enough that you were able to read it right.

It hurts the most when you found out that page was torn out, smeared, or damaged by some inconsiderate people. They just have to do it. Personally I don't hate them, maybe that's their way of attaining happiness, why should I block then? So, yeah never mind, do whatever you like, tear off that page, spill coffee on it, alter the story, erase them, go on. I'll take it. As long as it makes you happy.

That's all. Signing out. Thanks. Come again.

P/s: We may have a special guest for the next post ;)

Cake.

This is a cake. As you can see, it is Secret Recipe's Chocolate Indulgence, yes it is mouth watering isn't it? We all have our favorite and worst part of the cake rite? I mean some people prefer the icing, some love the fruit and chocolate bits in it, and some just enjoy the soft cake while others don't like to eat that part.

Well, the same goes for our life. Imagine life is a cake. And all your life experience, problems and happenings are pieces of it. Got it? Now, we all have a piece of a cake from time to time until the cake finishes. But our pieces are different. Some have theirs big, some have theirs small, he has strawberries on his, she has a candle on hers, and we all are stuck with our own piece. Sometimes we'll get to the nice part that we really enjoy, we will remember the taste and we might want to share it with others, but there are times where whether we like it or not, we will get to the part of the cake that we don't like and we still have to eat the cake, we can't give it away, but we can share it.

The thing is that. Sometimes, we share the wrong part, and we hog the wrong part. By this, what I am trying to say is that, we must know, what to keep and what to share. You don't share something private with just anyone, make sure it counts. You may end up being blackmailed or back stabbed. Not that I'm being pessimist or paranoid, it is just that, if you share too much, some may say that you are a drama queen and you are weak and stuff. You don't want that, do you now? Hm? Still, if you got the bitter part of the cake, sharing never hurts, some people can enjoy it, and at least, it eases you. Same thing in life, you have a problem, you can solve it by yourself, that's fine. But never burden yourself too much. We are but fragile humans, alone. But having comrades, friends and especially family, we are strong, and we will survive. Even if the road is winded, filled with so many obstacles, if you go through it with someone who really love you, you won't be stuck and die halfway, you will finish that path in the end. You may end up hurt badly, you will feel tired and spent, but you aren't the only one, those who accompany you feel the same exact torture, and still they walk with you. In the end that piece of shitty cake is finished, and you can actually talk about it with those who shared the piece, alone no more....

We all will finish the cake, sooner or later. You can take pictures of it, write about it, tell about it to your friends, keep it as your secret. There's so many things to do with it, and you get to choose. So choose the way you want. I choose the interesting way to eat it. How about you?

So that's it folks. It's been a while since I post anything. This post, is meant to all of those who read this, or who don't. I'm but a simple blogger, leave a comment, rate, subscribe, do come again, thank you :)

Promo, Promo, PRomo!!!!

Okay, this post is solely dedicated to a good friend of mine, Azfar Apip!!!!! He's very talented, and unbelievably talkative with ridiculous sense of humour, he's done some cover and all for songs, so why not try listening, maybe one day you can say, "I listen to Azpa Apip, before it was cool!" and be a goddamn hipster :P Anyways, here are some of his works. Oh, his FB is AZPA APIP.

Okay, that is for his artistic voice skills. I know, impressive right? :) He did some other cover, go to his FB page and stalk him, you'll eventually find his other videos :D

Now here are some of his pictures, wanting to be a model yeahhhh!!

This is for the nikon Yuna contest(I think)

This is from raya(I think)

From Gatsby commercial tryouts, VOTE FOR HIM :D

During our trip to FRIM.

So yeah, he's got some great potential. I don't know why I am doing this. I think it is because maybe I see something in him that make me believe that he can really be famous one day, and hey, I helped ;) So yeah lets trend on AZPA APIP!!!! Btw, he got a fan page Azpa Apip. Pheewiitt!!! So, come on people! Support this underrated talent.(although there are many others out there, but hey, he's my friend ;))

I am Asyraf Zai, now a promoter, PM me to get promoted :P Thank you and come again!

Don't dive too deep.

Ever heard of a saying, Curiosity killed the cat.? Well, I'm telling you, it doesn't just killed the cat, it killed the dog, bird, me, you, practically everyone.... when we push too hard and too far.

I learn, that when we know too much. We may not like what we know. We are not yet ready to take that fact. Seriously, sometimes, we just have to let our curiosity beg, cry, wriggle, twist, turn, and writhe. Eventually, it will quiet down. Like a 5 year old kid. You will be glad when sometimes you ignore your curiosity.

There are things that should be left unknown. Like, an accidental sent message, a golden opportunity to read someone else's message, what happen when you are not there, what happen between those two, who is that person, and bla bla bla... All this things may cause more damage and more speculations. The best thing to do is, only know what is necessary. Keep your question compact and short. If you get the kind of answers that will drag you into a deeper situation swim out of it bring up a new topic, ask another question, try anything to stop knowing things that will eat you up or make that person feel offended.

Okay, now comes the super cool part. You see, as Muslims, you have a very simple and very effective way to control jealousy, anger and all the other bad emotions thingy. My roommate, Afnan, told me to take a deep breath, and selawat banyak2 :) Well, I tried, it will work, you have to be patience. Dah lah dapat tenangkan diri, dapat pahala pulak tu, ha, siapa tak nak kan? Be thankful, bersyukur lah, if you were born a Muslim. I'm saying this because I am a Muslim myself. Doesn't mean other religion is bad. NO. If you were born with a religion, and you hold your religion truthfully, then you shall find peace, serenity, the truth that you deserve :)

Remember, when you dive too deep, even if you do have a gas tank, an awesome submarine, or anything, when it is too deep, either you will be crushed by the pressure or suffocate. So don't rush things, live simple, abnormal, and know what you NEED to know ONLY.

I am Asyraf Zai, your humble blogger, thank you for your attention, please come again :)

Of truth and lies, and the

We all do agree that the truth is essential. But what we actually need is just truth in the end. After we get a hold of the whole scope of a problem. I'm saying this because, people lie a lot, to reach the final truth.

From the hadith above, I do believe we must tell the truth. Even though, if it will really hurt, either we ourselves or the person listening to the truth we tell them. But.... Is it wrong for me to think that the truth itself is not meant to be instantaneously? I mean, one day, I will tell the truth about it, just not now, because I am scared it would hurt us so much, and I'm not prepared for it. I still believe my heart is weak, and my spirit wavers too much when I'm tested with anger and jealousy. So for now, I'll be honest as much as possible.

Ya, tetap ada perasaan kasih yang amat kuat di lubuk hati ini untuknya.
Tidak, tak pernah sekali pun aku ragu tentang perasaan ini.
Ya, cemburu yang meluru sering menerpa, oleh itu aku memilih untuk hanya mengetahui yang aku perlu.
Ya, memang aku bukan yang terbaik, namun aku sedang berusaha sesungguhnya.
Tidak, tak ada niat tersirat dalam perlakuan aku, hanya aku inginkan ketenangan yang sebenar, dan aku ingin persiapkan diriku untuk menjadi seorang yang jauh lebih baik dari sekarang.
Ya, setiap hari, aku akan mengingatimu, berharap engkau juga berusaha mencapai masa depan yang bahagia.

Aku berharap sangat-sangat semoga, kita menemui pengakhiran yang bahagia.

In our life, especially in our teenage phase, most of us will succumb to the dark side. Yes, it is fun there, no limitations, no obligations, you are at your own free will. Do anything. Without any cause. No one will care. You are living a life filled with things that you used to only watch on television. Not long in the dark side, and you shall be tied to it. Your life is entangled to it. Every single day you will crave for more, and more, and more. You will push your limits. You are lucky if you did not reach the point of no return, you are blessed by God if there is someone trying their very best to pull you out of it, and you are an ignorant, selfish bastard if you did not even tried to help your friends out of the darkness of life.

The guilt will pile up, until one day, you will sit in your room, your heart feels empty, your mind confused and twisted, and you start to realize, just a teeny tiny bit of awareness, that what you are doing is wrong. This is the turning point, this is where you make a choice, to live in that state for sometime, or try to struggle yourself out of it and go back to the righteous path. It will not be easy. You will hesitate. You yourself will be at war inside. Your mind clashes between trying to repent and your desire and lust. Your body agonizes, constantly trembling to repeat its routine in your dark life. Your heart quiver with the slightest sight of the "pleasure" in the dark side.

But that is why we have to make friends. Choosing your friends are the best way to survive. But, I choose not to be picky, anyone who are willing is a friend of mine. Befriends with all kinds of people, the pious, the nerds, the jocks, the smart ass, the joker, heck everyone! Learn from them. And in our context of post, the pious friends that you have are the one you should seek help and guidance from. They will be more than happy to help. I understand, we do feel shy, but that is normal. Try, bit by bit. If you cannot improve by leaps and bounds, cute little continuous baby steps will do to :) Never give up. The journey is hard, and bumpy so that you won't get bored ^-^
That is all for now, thank you, and do come again :)

:)

Rasa cemburu tu datang macam angin ribut, dengan tiba-tiba, sangat kencang, mungkin sahaja kita tak mampu mengharunginya tanpa terluka walau sekecil mana pun. Ya Allah, jika ini ujian yang engkau persiapkan untuk aku hadapi, andai ini rencana yang terbaik dari-Mu maka aku mohon, ya Allah, kuatkanlah hatiku menghadapinya, teguhkanlah aqidah ku, tabahkanlah jati diri ku. Aku akan cuba sehabis kudrat tenagaku, biarlah aku derita seperit mana, aku sanggup tempuhi demi mendapat keampunan-Mu. Kikislah perasaan cemburu yang tidak menentu ini ya Allah, semoga hatiku dapat menjaga dia yang aku sayang dengan sepenuhnya, tidak kira dalam apa keadaan sekali pun. Kurniakanlah aku kemampuan menjaga dan menyayanginya walaupun jika dia bukan milikku. Amiin.

Speeches.

We all said things that we pour every single emotion in it, hoping that the person listening would remember it, or at least get the point of what we are saying. And the thing that we are scared the most after saying it, is not whether the person will accept it or not, no, no, that's kinda like their choice :\ 


What we are scared of is that if that person thinks that we are just playing around, and take what we said as just some jokes, to be forgotten, without understanding it. We are scared people does not take the speech that we gave with all our heart and soul seriously. And when we look back, it hurts so damn much. All that talk, the truth, promises, and they just think it like some pep talk, a funny chat or something like that. 


Thank you.

Life Painted in Red. Act III

Today, the third semester opens its doors. Full of surprises. Drama. Tragedy. Some of us started with a blast, like me and my housemate, Am, we were supporting Italy during the quarter final match against The Three Lions, and Italy have won with so much style and it was glorious! Some, decided to start the semester with a different twist of fate, like missing their bus, or missing their luggage in the bus haha. Well, whatever happens, it added sparks to the start of a new chapter :)

Expecting to much is not good right? Somehow, deep inside, I think a part of me is tearing apart, and I don't even know, why, or what for. Have you ever feel that sudden seriously sharp pain somewhere between your heart and your stomach, and it causes you to have difficulties in breathing? Kinda like someone take a really fine, long needle and drive it slowly right through your body, again and again :S Maybe it is because of the weather kot, ye lah jerebu teruk kan(ayat sedapkan hati). Nan demo nai yo! Just play along until the time comes for me to make a move :)

Let's play a passive character shall we? Simply follow the flow, attract less attention(in the bad way), and try not to expect anything. Expecting something always comes with a terrible backfire. I'll say, let's take a new pace, like never I took before, something I tried every now and then but never stick to it for long. This is a great opportunity :)

Lastly, here are some questions that I have to apologize to those who asked because I lied

Are you okay?
Still feeling sick?
Want me to come over?
Are you lying to me?
Are you asleep?
Did you cry?

Is it the end? A new start? A re-run? A paradox? A fluke? An accident? A promo? I'm just a blogger.

You may come again if you can spare your time. Thank you.

Not again!

How do I ever get over you!? Heart beat increases. Body temperature rises. Perspiration maximum blast. Numb fingers. Feeling high.  

x_x

18SG

Ever had one of those feelings when you just want to punch someone in the face or double fist his balls? I do. Until today, every single time I hear about the stupid, annoying, treacherous things he did my stomach twist, I feel so sick, feel like puking. I always said to myself "Ah, we just met. I'm sure he's not that bad of a person". Now most of the time it worked! I mean they all do have a side that I found finally and make me forgets about all their downside and we become friends! Simple! But, wow, is it just me or somehow I found someone so unbelievably weird that can make me feel so terrible. I mean, one problem after another. Come on, give it a rest! Hm, I don't get it.

You badmouth every single person that you want. And then, you said that it doesn't mean that way, you mean it the other way, the nicest of way. The most stupidest, idiotic, fucked up part is that, you think every single thing that I post, write or say is about you! Damn it! Don't be delusional!

I actually tried, so hard, to convinced myself that you are a good person. Someone that really cares for others, who respect others, whether they are you family, close friends, friends, or just someone that you know. But, my... You have no respect for us, at all. But in our back, you say that we have no respect for each other. What the fuck?! You fucking attention whore!

I'm sorry. Maybe we are at fault. Maybe we didn't try to understand you(fuck, we did try). Maybe we are not like your friends back when before we met. Maybe we are wrong. Yes I admit, we did have our wrong doings. We have our bad side. Mistakes we did. Things we've done that we aren't proud of. Just because you haven't done anything bad(that we kept our mouth shut about), does not mean you can fucking step over us.

Why? Why, must you make it so hard for all of us. I am guilty for my crimes. The others are to. We tried to mend things together again. And for some time, it worked out just well. Again, you strike. I do not understand. Really. You said that you want to become like we used to be. But why are you breaking us apart again? Please, I want us to be happy again. Without fake smiles and awkward laughter.

You said some nasty, mean stuff, stuff that obviously cross the fucking line about the people I love. Did I shout to you about it? No. I just kept my anger. I retracted. Because I know, even if I confront you, wait, even if we confront you, you twist your word so that it seems we are the one who thinks bad of you. So much for being a gentleman aye? Remember, will never forget what you say about her, forgive you? Don't hope on it. But I will let that go.

Are you worthy? Of course in your mind you are. The people around you? Well, as long as you benefit from them they are worthy, in not? Thrash they are. Aren't we just thrash to you. All I want, is that I can look at you at a side that I comfortable and not sick of. It is quite easy, as long as there are no problems caused by you. Stop back stabbing us.

It is a give and take theory, simple as that. We are accepting you for what you are(since you didn't have any weakness), so why not accept us for who we are and help us to be better(so you say).

We are having our chance to make things better. Why not use it properly? :) Here's a quote from Johnny Depp, he's kinda awesome :D

"I think the to do is enjoy the ride while you are on it"

Simple enough? That, is what makes me accept all of the emotions I feel in my life, sad, happy, excited, discouraged, pumped up, madly in love... So that's from me. Drop a comment, if you are brave enough. Come again, you are a great audience ;)

Not Sure If Full of Ideas or just Bored

Hm, lucky I still have a lot of games for my PSP to play if not, it will be a very boring holiday. Actually, there's a lot of things I'm not sure right now. But I figured out that thinking about it without doing anything is just as boring as it will ever be. Not sure if I don't have anything to say, or there's too many things going on in my mind until I can't write them all. Hmm.. Never mind. Watching Portugal vs. Rep. Czech tonight. Maybe post something better afterwards. See you. Enjoy your day/night.

P/s: Bored......

Em, level 9 please.. Thank you.

So today(20/6/2012), I woke up, around 8.30 a.m. and again, the house was empty, mama went to work, and my sister and brother off to school. I drank the Milo they left for me, and then I sat. Feeling REALLY lonely. Reached my phone, typed "Good Morning" but I don't know to whom should I send that. So I deleted the message, and went back to feeling miserable. I think I kinda lost in my thought for a while, then suddenly I realize I haven't showered but my hair still looks nice :P So I decided to go for a swim! Yeay!

As I jumped and splashed into the arctic cold water of the pool, my brain decided to play a trick on me and start me thinking how sad, lonely and empty my life is now. To shut him up, I went out of the pool take a distance around 5 feet from the side, ran as fast as I could, jumped, and hit the water. It hurts. I kinda land the wrong way, on my back. But I let myself sink to the bottom, held my breath, close my eyes, and just feel the calmness, serenity, total silence........ The out of nowhere somebody pulled my legs up to the surface!

"Waahhhhh!!!"

She's surely not Malaysian, that I can tell you. Hazel hair, blue eyes, and of course white skin. Catching my breath, I stared at her.

"Are you okay?" Okay, she's British.

"What? Yeah. Why you pulled me out?"

"I thought you drowned! You were so long down there."

"No! I wasn't. I can swim. I don't drown. Agh, you scared me."

"I was scared! You didn't move at all just now."

"Well, yeah. Sorry. Em, thanks, for saving me?"

Hm, that kinda wrap up the start of our encounter. So, we had a little chit chat after that in the pool. Until it hits me that we were both shivering. We sat by the pool and continue our conversation. Then it started to get a bit warm and we both dried up. I put on my shirt, and was about to go back when she asked me to get something to eat, says she haven't had breakfast yet. And we went to the mamak near the pool. We talked for quite some time.

For once, I actually feel a bit better. So sorrows or sadness. Slate clean.

She was here since a month ago, visiting her aunt. She talks a lot. But she didn't tell much about herself. I didn't even get her full name, just Emily. Luckily she's not taller than me, phew. :P She's 17. Knowing that, I'm glad she didn't grow as much hehehe. For a 17 year old, she's quite outspoken. I mean, she speaks like someone older than me. That's funny and scary at the same time. The part that was a bit sad was that she's leaving tomorrow, and she's spending her last night with her aunt in a hotel(which I don't know where since she didn't tell). Honestly, I was quite sad. She's a great company. And she drank coffee like it's plain water. Either she have some serious drinking problem, or Malaysian's coffee are that good. I thought British people prefer tea, huh, guess I was wrong. So, after numerous stories and around 5 glass of coffee, we went back. It took me a couple of minutes to realize she was tailing me.

"Why are you following me?"

"I am not!"

"Then why are you following me?"

"Shut up, I stay in the 8th block drownie"

"Hey I live there. And stop calling me drownie, I didn't drown"

"Yeah sure, you were just having your moment of peace, woooooooo~"

So we talk nonsense some more till we reached the elevator. I don't always use the elevator with a British chick, but when I do, the lift sure is cramped, there's like about 6 people inside it. Usually it's just a person or two. We were pushed to the back corner of the lift. Can't reach the numbers. So I opened my mouth and...

"Em, level 9 please... Thank you" We said that at the same time. It was freakishly, weird and awkward.

Okay now comes the most unbelievable part. Her house is the exact opposite of mine! And we never bumped into each other! That is just pathetic man...

"Hey, I'm leaving at 3.00 p.m."

"Sure, have a safe trip"

"Oh come on, you are suppose to say "Would you like me to see you off?" or something like that!"

"Nah, I prefer, a surprise *grin*"

"Oh, ahaha, okay... I'll be going now, you take care"

"See you."

So at 3 o'clock, I managed to catch her before she got into the elevator. I gave her a tumbler with coffee I made myself in it, wrote something on the side of it. She smiled. Thanked me. And did something really, really awkward. And that may be the last time I set my eyes on Emily, from London.

What I learn from this, is that, we are living in a confined space. There are so many more to see, and learn. Yes, I am still not over yet from my feeling of miserable and sadness. But that doesn't mean I can't. ;)

Alhamdulillah, syukur kepada Allah. For giving me this experience. I enjoyed every single moment of it. From the happiest and most glorious times till the shallow, horrid, deep trench of darkness. My ustaz once said, "He who makes the same mistakes twice is an idiot", and well so far I am an idiot here and there but that is the process of learning. We all are idiots, but that doesn't mean we have to stay that way. We can learn.

That's all for now. Come again. Drop a comment. Maybe we can work something out ;)

Here's a cup of coffee :D

Is it time yet? Are we there yet?

Hm, I think I can take up a new mission now. But my boss said I ain't prepared yet. That I should take the whole holidays off any case. Get it out of my system as much as I can. Maybe I ought to take it slow. Haha, this is ironic, I always tell others to not rush things too much and over of our pace, but it seems all this time, I was flooring on the gas pedal to the max, man, this is embarrassing.

Boss asked me, which of my characters that I like the most. I said "Socially, my SMKBB character, and spiritually, my SASER character". She asked, what about MSU. It took me  a while but I figured out, me in MSU, is out of control, and I'm disappointed in myself. I let myself down :( I may not be a great person, but I know I am better than what I am in MSU. Now I know what kind of a person I do not want to be. After this, we'll stick to the basic stuff. Let's keep the advanced maneuver for later :)

One thing for sure. I've waited too long to change. Should have done it earlier, but I guess I was caught up in the heat. I don't want to jeopardize the people that I love anymore. It will be hard to kick out a bad habit, but it ain't impossible. I don't mind how hard it is, or how long it may take, but if I really want a future that doesn't sucks, I must do my best!

There's a time and place for everything.

Now the time has come, for me to make something new and worthy for my next phase of university life. We'll mend and improve everything possible within our hearts and mind. Mind over body. Once our heart is strong, and our mind is free and hold to our beliefs firmly. Without even noticing, physically, we already have changed, what's left is give it a little touch up. Then, when our basics are prepared, we just have to continue learning, adding our knowledge, test our strength spiritually and physically once in a while, and let the energy that Allah continuously pour to the world, our brothers and sisters, our family, to help us sail through the end of time.

But for now, let's start slow, small, and steady. Slow cooking is the best. One step at a time. InshaAllah. We will prevail~

I am but your humble blogger. Thank you for your attention. Come once more, it gets lonely without you ;)

Oh why?

Truth. I take a long and hard time to forget someone. But when I do, I really do forget about them, in the context of the amount of f*cks I gave about them is zero. In certain cases, this is proven to be very useful as I can always forget my enemies and then take them in back as a new person. What sucks is if this happen to the people I really care for, I feel that I have betrayed them. It makes me look like I'm some sort of kacang lupakan kulit :( I'm not. I know I do forget people and I apologize for that, but hey, The more you study, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. The less you know, the more you study. Then the cycle goes again and again. So each time I forget, I try to get to know you more and more. I'm sorry for what ever I had done that hurt your feelings(maybe you hurt mine too).

False. I think highly of myself. I do not. I just express and appear that I am the best, but that is not my goal. I want to see and know, just who, would say what, at my back, and who would do something to go against me or to help me. Sometimes it takes the enemies to help you, and your so called allies that leaves you idle and just watched you dig your own grave. That is why, I always welcome an enemy in my life, because your enemy will look from each angle, all the chances that he can to get your weakness and your mistakes. This is how I found my strength. When your friends just watched you crumble, there will be your enemy who always keep kicking your ass back up, because he longed for a great fight, so thank you my enemies :)

Though we must know when to make use and apply the concepts we learn in our lives, because know;edge alone without understanding it's power is futile. We often came across people who constantly change their view and perspective about things in life right? They are called "lalang", as in people who do not have a firm beliefs. Now what we may have overlooked is that these people are like sub-machine guns, they make quick calls as they may not hit the target the first time, they adapt to the situation rather differently, they try many route and say it out loud. Unlike the sniper type of people, they are pro's. Talks once in a while, but they hit the target at pinpoint accuracy. Truth. I am not a sniper type. Maybe one day I will, but I don't know whether if I will like it. But that's a different story.

Life is about perspective, whether the glass is half full, or half empty or the cup is just too big for the water in it, you can still drink that water! So be sad, happy, angry whatever, feel the emotions flowing. But be sure to look at the bright side of every time. Even if the good things are smaller than the bad, savor it.

So, take up a cause.

Fall in love.

Write a book(or a blog).

Thank you. Live life to the fullest(do not be an idiot). And you are always welcome to visit again :)

Here's a picture of cute little kittens :3

That awkward moment when...

... you want to text her that you reached home safely, but you can't.
... you are having a great time and you want to share it but you can't.
... you realize it is kinda lonely not having your phone vibrates every now and then.
... you had a delicious meal but can't tell her.
... you saw something/someone that reminds you of her but you can only keep it to yourself.
... you subconsciously reached your phone, typed a message, and later realize you must not send it.
... you know it is awkward for her to.
... you drink her favorite cool blog flavor even though you never would order it before.
... you automatically typed her number every time you wanna call someone else.
... you found yourself listing everything you know and remember about her on the tissue paper and your friends are watching *facepalm*
... when you post something so awkward, and you realize it, but post it anyway.

and the worst of all...

That awkward moment when you are going to bed, your hands moves on its own and typed Goodnight to her, and you realize, you can't do that anymore, and you sleep, feeling in between emptiness, freedom, and serenity. But it doesn't matter. Because I am grateful for it. I feel so thankful, that I was given the chance to go through this, and for the things that had happened.

Now, that awkwardness is becoming kinda cute and sweet for me. So I don't mind. Just keep smiling, and Hakuna Matata. 

;) Thank you, and come again :)

The Fables : Reloaded

Me: Here it is.. I decided it is better if I part ways with her.

GM: What?!

Player: Welcome back brother!!

GM: Why, I thought you said she was the one, that you are confident about it!?

Player: Who cares, my boy is back!

Me: Wait, wait. Don't get the wrong ideas. I'm doing this because it is the thing needed to be done.

Player: What ever your reason is, I'm confident it is for a better cause, as long as you are solo till you are 27, I am satisfied. Hahahaha!

GM: No! Explain why did you do this?!

Player: Lalalalala~

Me: Look, 7 years, I am bound to make some idiotic mistakes. If I really screw up, and caught in an argument with her, there's like 85% chance that I may lose her forever. So if we stop now. In 7 years time, if we really are meant for each other, then I will go for her, for real. 

GM: Okay, I get it.

Player: That's not all isn't it? Heh..

Me: You mean?

Player: Oh, come on, you know it is haram, many things, and you can't let her and yourself to be indulge in sin. Plus, I know you too well, you are fed up with the people around you that talk at your back on how bad you are but they never did anything right?

Me: How did you...

Player: Don't interrupt. Then you decided that if no one would do anything, you yourself might as well do it, but take it at your own pace, and let the others keep talking. Right? 

Me: Yeah.. But who told you this?

Player: You. I know how you are in high school man. When you do wrong things, you feel guilty and you know what to do. But you always take the most longest, and most winding path there is, just so that very few people actually notices what you do. 

GM: Wow, you actually said something that made sense. I was always proud to have you as my twin, but now, I love you even more.

Player: Well, you are the one who taught us that silence does not mean ignorance or stupidity, it may be a powerful mind working discreetly. :)

GM: And you taught us that, talking loud like an idiot will give you that stupid asshole look so that only those who really you want will know how you really are.

Me: Thank you, through all the thick and thin we went together, I would never wished for a better party. This mark the end for another chapter in our life. Until the next episode, take care, eat well, sleep well, and come again :)

Here is a picture that i found, its titled "The start of something beautiful" I like it and it really fits my feelings for now, hope you like it too :)

Tulislah Jalan Cerita Hidup Kita :)

Kita semua nak hidup gembira kan? :) Xde sape yg nk hidup sedih2.
Kalau kita nak sesuatu, kena korbankan sesuatu.
Kalau kita beri sesuatu, pasti kita dapat sesuatu. Dua2 ni hukum sama nilai.

Nak keputusan exam cemerlang? Korbankan lah masa dok main2. Kan?

Bila kita senyum kat orang, dia senyum balik. Dapat dah sesuatu kan?
Kalau dia tak senyum pun, kita dapat jugak sesuatu, pahala, kan? :)

Kadang2, kita tau orang pandang serong pada kita. Tapi kita pun kena fikir, kenapa benda tu boleh jadi. Mungkin memang ada silap kita.
Dan setiap orang ada cara yang tersendiri untuk melakukan perubahan.
Ada yang terus berubah 180 darjah.
Ada yang ambil masa yang panjang .
Ada yang susun satu persatu tingkah yang perlu diubah.
Ada yang berubah sedikit demi sedikit.
Ada juga yang berubah tanpa disedari.

Orang lain mungkin tak perasan perubahan yang kita cuba lakukan.
Segelintir menyukarkan perubahan yang kita ingin lakukan.
Ramai yang boleh membantu kita berubah.
Tetapi apa yang penting kita sendiri sedar, yakin, dan percaya pada diri atas apa yang kita lakukan. Biarlah orang nak kata apa. Selagi kita tahu, apa yang kita buat itu, baik atau buruk, dan apa kesannya, jangan la kita putus asa :)

Kita kena terima satu fakta yang kejam. Sekarang kita hidup dalam zaman, sangat sedikit orang yang akan tegur kita secara terang-terangan, lebih2 lagi kalau yang melibatkan agama. Tapi ini tak bermaksud kita pun patut jaga tepi kain sendiri je, bila nampak benda tak elok, kalau mampu tegurlah dengan cara orang tu paham kenapa kita tegur, berkias sangat pun nnt orang x paham atau meluat.

Agaknye, bila orang2 yang dilabel sebagai "perosak", "sampah masyarakat" dan "buat malu kaum" ni tegur golongan yang anggap diri dia lebih baik tu, baru la sentap kan. Baru la nak ungkit2. Nasihat, jangan kerek sangat..

Cer bayang(or kita pun pnah hadapi situasi ni), si A punya la baik, semua aspek la baik, agama, akademik segala2 la mmg terbaik, tapi kawan dia si B dia biarkan hanyut, bila ditanya kenapa x tolong, jawapan2 ni yang keluar, "Dah dia xnak tolong diri sendiri.." , "Eh, aku pun bukan nye baik sangat.." , "Aku dah tegur da cara baik, berkias2 lagi, tp dia yang x paham..." . Haaa, achaner tu?

Apa kaitan coretan ni dengan tajuk? Macam xde kan? Haha :)
Cuma nak kata, kuasa di tangan anda(macam iklan celcom daa..)
Kita boleh pilih, di akhir hari nanti, kita akan lihat perjalanan hidup kita dan berkata, "Oh puas hati aku sebab apa yang berlaku adalah atas izin Allah yang membolehkan rancangan yang aku buat, cerita yang aku tulis di dalam kotak hati dan minda ku, aku puas kerana dapat hidup dengan cara yang aku nak" ataupunn.... "Oh, kenapa la diorang xnak tolong aku, kalau la diorang bagitau aku awal2 benda tu salah kan x jadi macam ni, kenapa la diorang xnk tolong aku..". Hehehe...

Oleh itu, tulislah jalan cerita hidup anda, nak jadi protagonis, antagonis, watak kecil, semua pun boleh. Jangan terlalu lama menyalahkan orang lain sebelum menyedari kesilapan diri. Pasti ada sesuatu yang kita boleh buat.

Hm, nak kongsi ayat sket, hehe tapi ni biasa2 je.

Berlian, emas, dan permata semuanya ditemui di celah-celah batu, tanah, dan lumpur, jadilah sepertinya, kegembiraan kepada orang yang berusaha mencari kamu di dalam kegelapan dan kekotoran.

Sekian sahaja, terima kasih, jagalah diri, dan datanglah lagi :)

Thank you for the song..

Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life

And if you go, I wanna go with you
And if you die, I wanna die with you

Take your hand and walk away

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Life

Such a lonely day
And it's mine
It's a day that I'm glad I survived

Love the Way You Lie

Next time?

There will be no next time.

I apologize,

Even though I know it's lies,

I'm tired of the games,

I just want you back.

Fables

Player: Oioi, wth r u doing?
Me: Eeehh?? What?
Player: Tch, dnt act dumb, you already broke three rules, whats going on here?!
Me: ....
Player: Answer me goddamit!!
GM: Now2, no need the harsh words now do we?
Player: Tch, buzz off ossan..
GM: Give him some space, its been a while since he actually let his feeling run free aite?
Player: Space? Run free? Are u kiddin me? Im not going thru the aftershock anymore fer god sake!
GM: Haha, i thot u r the risk taker?
Player: Yes! When the one at risk is others!
Me: Uhm, guys?
Player: What!
GM: Yes?
Me: I know that, this is a bit ridiculous but, I want to risk it with her. I mean, I got nothing to..
Player: Stop right there kid...
GM: .....
Player: You're not living a fantasy, this isnt a game anymore when you took part in it. There's no restart. Game over. Youre spent.
Me: But we can try! I mean this time it's different!
Player: Try? You TRIED before! And whats the diff this time?!
GM: This time, he pushed us both aside and actually said it himself. Previously we pushed them into confessing remember?
Player: So, whats the big deal? Hve u forgotten ossan when you took the hit?
GM: Tsk, shut up. U hve to remember too if it isnt bcoz of me, u wouldnt be here.
Player: Heh, what, thank you fer being cheated and finally let me off my chains? Dont get cocky with me.
GM: Wanna row with me boy I got all night long?
Player: Bring it!
Me: STOP! Both of you! Wtf r u guys think u r doing!!? U r not helping!
Player: Now u r mad.
Me: No, I mean, yeah.
Player: Wtf. Are you or aren't you?? Decide kid!
Me: Huuuuhh... Look, I like her, I do care about her, and I really...
GM: Will you marry her?
Me: Yes, er No! I mean maybe one day if..
Player: But for now you have no freakin' intention of taking her as your bride. Yes or no?
Me: .......
Player: Yes, or No kid?!
Me: Y-yes.....
GM: Then don't go on. Stop now before it get too late.
Player: It's all about business..
Me: But she'l get hurt and..
Player: YOU'LL GET HURT TOO!! DAMN! CAN'T YOU THINK PROPERLY!!!??

.......... and time flies by, as I ignore my other side of self. I took the risk of divide and don't let them conquer even your tiniest decision. Until one day, I realized it was time for us to make one solid decision that in our sense of justice, is the thing that NEEDS to be done even though we may not want it. Thus, the story continues....

 Me: Hey guys.
GM: Oh, still remember us?
Player: Haha it's the kid who mastered my skills and your techniques GM!
GM: Aha, he who believes he is classed on top of others!
Me: Please, I'm sorry that I shut you guys away, but I have to take a risk, I mean you both were not so successful before.
Player: You wretched, ungrateful, piece of
GM: Damnit stop could you?
Player: What! How stay calm when he says things like that!?
GM: Well, it's the truth isn't it? So let's hear what he have to say. We had our chances, we blew it, you have to admit it.
Me: Thank you. Now look, things have change a whole freaking lot, I do want to marry her, seriously I do, I pray every time after my solat for it. But there is one thing that is eating me from the inside and I cant take it much longer or I may lose myself again.
GM: Speak up, what is it?
Player: If this is something stupid I'll gouge your sanity out!
Me: It's time.
Player: What? You need more time? Wrong timing?
GM: .......
Me: We still have that one promise that we swore our lives on it remember? With Mel?
GM: The 7 years pact. But you broke it remember?
Player: Yeah, plus you broke it twice!
Me: It seems that the two of you are the ones who did not remember the whole thing, think back and hard.
Player: .....
GM: What is it?
Player: Oh my... The second part of the promise...
GM: The second part?! All engagements, and marriage are strictly forbidden....
Me: Only after 7 years time, or as we say it, when I am a real doctor, with a house, car and money to sustain a family.
GM: So what are you trying to say here?
Player: Yeah, I still can't see where you are going with this.
Me: Okay, here goes, seven years is a long time, a very long time, and I don't think I can sustain such long relationship without any black and white, I mean it is illegal and wrong, so I have made a decision and I want to know what you two think about it.
GM: Okay, go on.
Me: Here it is........

To be continued...

Blame me! PLEASE!!

It's always the men at fault.
Well I proudly would accept and embrace it.
Blame.
Fault.
Responsibility.
Trust.
Call it what ever you want, because it is what you choose to believe it is. Sorry if that does not make any sense. But I do say that yes to all of this.
Rape, caused by men.
Moral decay, caused by men.
Innocent girls ruined, caused by men.
Dog got hit by car, caused by men.

We are at fault, because you say so. Because you don't want to take responsibility. Because you were afraid of doing something. Because you want to have a story.

The way I see it. It is because you believe that men have the power. You believe that men are stronger. You believe that men are more capable. You believe that men can change the whole universe if they want to. That is how I see it.

Blaming yourself is not weak, or having low self-esteem. It is the first step acknowledging your mistakes and realizing the power, will and strength that you possess to change, towards better or worse. I believe, "He who can accept his weakness calmly when pointed by others shall live a happy life, and have his enemies suffers".


So do not fret, brace yourself. People will blame you for many things, some of them are not even your fault, well take 5 seconds to think and say to yourself, "Hey, this guy must love me, he believe that I can change things with my ability". Just 5 seconds, think hard and fast, turn the tables around, be the future hero, be the chosen one, be someone with the power to change!

Some may think what I posted is bullshit, but hey, you don't find gold in a heap of feathers, you find it deep down in the dirt. I hope people who actually read this post benefit something, if not, well I'm planning to read my blog again one day in the future, so I did myself a favor, why not you? ;)

This is Asyraf Zai, bringing you something to kill your time, thank you :D

Reminder

I need to post more. Thank You

Why must you do this?

You lied.

When I asked you, you point my problems. I was offended. Really. I put away all of my own conflicts and was focused on you. Because to me, making you smile again, was all I ever wanted. But no. You pushed me away, not enough with that, you point my problems. Why?
I was angry. Frustrated. Sad. But no words did I threw at you that were harsh. I kept my distance and regained my rational and positive thinking. That very night, I text you again, and we were fine. Once more, everything was okay.

The next day, after the day was over, again I asked you what happened. You answered. It was a lie. I knew it. You should know that I knew. But, I said to myself "Maybe she'll tell you in the bus, saying things while walking is quite hard". So we got on the bus. I waited. And waited. And waited. But nothing happens. At that point if I stayed there, my anger would have taken over, and I will say some really unnecessary things. So, I went away. I cried. So sad, you would lied. If you are not ready to tell. Just say "I'll tell you later" or "Not now but I will tell you okay?" or something else. But you LIED.

I guess. I'm still a stranger enough to you then. Well, I'm sorry for being a busybody. It was my fault. I should have never asked about it. I should have been a bit more understanding. I'm sorry. I should have tried to see things from your point of view. Should have understand what does it feels to be in your shoes. I'm sorry. There must a reason for what you did right? As long as you are okay, then I shall accept whatever it is that you say, even though it was an obvious lie.Forgive me for not being understanding enough. I'm sorry.

A big left turn?

Sometimes in our life, there are moments where we have to obliged to what is the truly right thing to do.
People make mistakes. If they realize it and they improve, that is great. Some others realize their mistakes, know that it is wrong, but still continues to live in the situation feeling guilty about their wrongdoings- well at least they have the sense of guilt. What we want to avoid is when we did the wrong thing, know it is wrong but did not even feel the slightest guilt in their heart. When that happen, there is something wrong within us.

Rindu, sayang dan cinta itu adalah perasaan yang Allah SWT kurniakan dalam fitrah kejadian manusia. Allah SWT tidak menghalang percintaan dan perasaan kasih sayang sesama insan.

"Aku tak mahu perasaan yang tulus dan ikhlas ini
dicemari,
Andai benar apa yang kurasakan Ya Allah,
kuatkanlah iman kami,
lindungilah hati kami,
Kamilah manusia-manusia yang imannya senipis kulit bawang,
yang cinta akan dunia,
yang takut akan mati,
Namun api semangat iman kami belum padam,
biarpun kecil,
malap,
lemah,
Engkau bukakanlah pintu hati-hati kami ini,
sedarkan kami akan peluang kami,
sedarkan kami bahawa Engkau mengizinkan,
semoga kami kembali ke pangkal jalan,
Ya Allah, aku bersyukur,
kehadiran si dia dalam hidupku,
satu antara jutaan kurnia yang Engkau beri,
Aku sujud kepadaMu Ya Allah,
Ku mohon pertolongan dariMu,
Sampai saat,
tibanya waktu,
tanah yang suci,
langit membiru,
awan nano yang memayungi,
Engkau satukanlah kami dengan rahmatMu,
Ya Allah,
Biarpun bertemu kami bukan atas kalimahMu,
tetap kami impikan,
percintaan,
kasih sayang,
dan kesudahan atas namaMu Ya Allah,
Sesungguhnya
Kamilah hamba,
yang mengharap,
belas dariMu"

Sekian sahaja.
Until next time.
Assalamualaikum~